Okay, so anyone who knows me knows that I tend to have some pretty unpopular ideas about what it means to be a woman, wife, and mother. In reality, what I think about these subjects pretty much line up with traditional Christianity, which ideas are extremely unpopular at this point in time. I have never quite gotten over the image and ideal of a woman like June Cleaver. Sure, no one can live up to that image, but it is a beautiful one.
You have a loving and wise wife and mother in June. She was always willing to help her husband and sons work through whatever difficulties they were facing in life. Her husband and children, as well as an assortment of neighbor children and family friends respected her. Her husband trusted her, and he listened to her counsel.
I understand that Barbara Billingsly, the actress who played June Cleaver, was very much like that in real life. Jerry Mathers, the actor who played Beaver, has talked about how Barbara was a lot like a mother to him. So, why should I think that June Cleaver could never be a real person? Of course, the television series was a gentle comedy, so it did not assault our senses and sensibilities like some shows do. So, I think we as women would do well to honor June Cleaver. Why would it be such a bad thing to model her values in our lives?
You have a loving and wise wife and mother in June. She was always willing to help her husband and sons work through whatever difficulties they were facing in life. Her husband and children, as well as an assortment of neighbor children and family friends respected her. Her husband trusted her, and he listened to her counsel.
I understand that Barbara Billingsly, the actress who played June Cleaver, was very much like that in real life. Jerry Mathers, the actor who played Beaver, has talked about how Barbara was a lot like a mother to him. So, why should I think that June Cleaver could never be a real person? Of course, the television series was a gentle comedy, so it did not assault our senses and sensibilities like some shows do. So, I think we as women would do well to honor June Cleaver. Why would it be such a bad thing to model her values in our lives?
St. John Chrysostom influenced my understanding of marriage and family life as well. He was able by the grace of God to do such a fine job of laying out a vision for Christian marriage because of his dear friend, St. Olympia. She was a widow and one of John's best buddies- or that's how I like to imagine it. I can see them sitting together, out in an olive garden, drinking tea and talking the most important, the deepest kind of philosophy - how human relations mirror the relationship between Christ and the Church. How I wish I could have been a fly on the wall, listening in on their conversations! The result of their deep friendship and mutual respect was Chrysostom's fine series of homilies On Marriage and Family Life.
I want to be a Christian wife and mother - and now grandmother. Unfortunately, what I will call my inner Lilith gets in the way of that goal a lot more than I care to acknowledge. So, as I talk about the Lilith myth, please bear in mind that I am mostly talking about myself. Please forgive me if you read this and feel minimized or hurt in any way. That is not my intention at all. this is part of my journey to understand and live out my freedom in Christ as His little girl.
So, here goes. Again, I beg your kindness and even forgiveness if I say anything that comes across as harsh or unkind.
Besides, I may be wrong, but I think that I am at least finding the center of where I need to be. Here goes. Here is how I understand Lilith.
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Lilith cries freedom and equality.1. Freedom from marriage.
2. Freedom from motherhood.
3. Freedom from any symbol of her place in God's created order.
Lilith says that her humanity does not depend on being a wife and a mother. Her humanness is something else. Setting herself free from what she believes to be accidents of femininity is what Lilith gives herself to. In fact, women should not even worry about what femininity means. It is society and culture that impose their ideas of who women are and what we should be doing. It is men who wish to oppress women, keeping us as a permanent underclass.
For Lilith, being a wife is not part of essential human nature. Being a mother is not an essential part of being a human being either. She especially despises the very idea of putting some kind of symbolic covering on her head. For Lilith, the very idea that there could be some kind of male authority over her is repulsive. In fact, Lilith rejects all forms of hierarchy.
Women who submit to the helpmeet role and the mothering role are in grave danger of being abused, according to Lilith. Such women will not be able to meet their full human potential. Lilith has set herself free from such oppressive ideas.
If you Google "Lilith", you will see many interesting articles on the subject of the Lilith myth. My blogging is not meant in any way to be an academic exercise - something I would not be able to pull off even if I wanted to. This is part of my personal journey, and I invite you to come along with me if you like.
Lilith, to me, is a personification of what feminism has come to mean in our society. Lilith is why many of us women avoid identifying ourselves as feminists, even those of us who are very concerned about the equality of women. Personally, I see being a helpmeet and a mother as an essential part of my femininity, not accidents. If I am able, I will try to explain why, and why Lilith is getting it wrong.
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